Moving On After A Marriage Ends

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Clinical Psychologist, Kristin Davis, has recently published a thoughtful article in the Huffington Divorce section on February 1, 2016 suggesting 5 ways to move on after a relationship ends, which is sound advice to consider after a divorce. I concur and believe the tips can help an individual transition and overcome the emotional and psychological pain that divorce often brings. These are the recommendations:

1. TAKE STOCK. As painful as it might be it is helpful to think through your take and what you learned from that relationship. Would you do things differently the next time? What struggles on both sides may have contributed to the marriage ending? Many people just want to run away and hide or escape another way through other means such as alcohol, dating, or other destructive behavior and this will only lead to more problems and potential heartaches.  Instead analyze , where do I see myself? What have I learned? What , if anything would you do differently in the next relationship? How is it best for you to move on? Some may realize there are positive things and aspects of the break-up such as freedom, optimism, empowerment and relief. Remember this is an opportunity for a fresh start and to recreate yourself and pursue dreams or things that may never have been realistic or available when married.

2. PURGE SOCIAL MEDIA. Make sure you remove your former spouse off your social media. Delete and remove picture, emails, and texts. Do not follow him or her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. If you fail to do so you will be confronted with continuing painful reminders and will lead to you being stuck in the past and not focusing on the future.

3. INDULGE AND EXPAND HORIZONS. Reconnect with family and old friends. Expand your knowledge, take a class and read some interesting books or take up a new hobby. Exercise can often help with overcoming emotional pain. Be open to things, experiences or old hobbies. Explore things you have never done.

4. DO NOT RUSH INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP. Many professionals believe rushing into dating is not the best way to move past your last relationship. It is often wise and better to give yourself some time and space before you rush back into another relationship. Give yourself time to spend on yourself to step back, evaluate and provide an opportunity for clarity and introspection. People often fail to analyze the mistakes of the past and end up repeating things that lead to future failed relationships. Look for patterns that can help prevent future relationships mistakes.

5. ACCEPT CHANGE AND UPHEAVAL. It often is not easy to get over a divorce or the end of a relationship, but do not dwell on the past every minute of the day. Over time you will heal and the ride will become less bumpy. Your new freedom can lead to many new adventures and you have an opportunity for a new beginning. Never give up. There will be future opportunities for love and fulfillment.

I am not a mental health expert or psychologist but as a divorce lawyer with several decades of experience and after representing a few individuals in multiple divorces and experiencing and witnessing the struggles some clients have I believe these recommendations are extremely helpful to prepare for your exciting future.