Category Archives: Divorce Advice

Pitfalls In Handling Your Own Divorce

I have seen an increase in people trying to draft their own Divorce Judgment and Decree, which often leads to numerous problems and additional fees and expense to redraft the Decree or for the need to move to amend it because of ambiguities. Some terms or omissions can be impossible to correct afterwards.

If you have children, real estate, assets in excess of $20,000, pensions or issues relating to custody, parenting time, spousal maintenance or child support it is best to retain an experienced family law attorney to draft the final paperwork.

I have represented numerous clients when their paperwork has been rejected by the trial court or worse has been accepted, but has failed to properly address all issues or foreseeable issues. Family law is complicated and has extensive statutes and common law set forth in a large scope of cases that a layman will not understand or properly address. Neither the court or the clerk’s office can or will give legal advice.

Once the Decree is accepted and filed many of the terms are not modifiable at a later time. Property settlements become final. Other terms may be modifiable if there is a substantial change in circumstances, but still may be difficult and expensive to attempt to modify.

There are numerous nuances in drafting custody and parenting plans that would benefit the input of an experienced divorce attorney. These agreements are generally not easy to change or modify. Vague or incomplete parenting plans often leads to numerous disputes and issues that can cause the noncustodial parent to lose important parenting time when a dispute arises.

Determining child support under the calculator is not as easy as it seems as there are numerous collateral issues that may not be properly addressed such as imputing income for less than full-time employment, bonus income, or issues and complexities when dealing with self employment, or overtime income. There are also numerous complexities in determining what the actual percentage of parenting time is for each parent is under parenting time schedules. A lawyer can also make sure the issue of the child dependency tax exemptions are properly addressed and drafted in the decree as well as other matters such as security in life insurance is included to make sure there is adequate support in the event of a death.

Spousal maintenance terms have to be dealt with extremely carefully or unintended results can easily happen. If proper waivers are not included with specialized language a party may leave itself open for extended or continuing spousal maintenance or attempted motions to do so. A lawyer should be used in every case dealing with spousal maintenance cases.

If you own a home it is also important to have a lawyer’s assistance. It is essential to make sure the complete legal description is included or you can have expensive future title problems. An agreement to sell the home needs critical detailed information included to properly address possible unforeseen issues such as difficulties in facilitating the sale or default or possible short sale ramifications and other issues, including possession, payment requirements and cooperation terms.

Dividing retirement assets and pensions have many complex issues that can lead to serious unintended consequences if not properly addressed. Survival benefits, valuation and tax issues and other complexities needs the input and advice of an experienced attorney. Often a separate Order (QDRO) needs to be prepared with numerous electives and options that can involve tens of thousands of dollars in differences depending on the electives selected, or more, if there are errors made that generally may not be later modifiable.

Generally when a divorce starts many people are on an emotional roller coaster and often have some temporary depression issues. Many people have feelings of guilt or remorse or even anger and cannot properly evaluate what is fair and equitable or consistent with the law. They may overlook important issues or make unwise concessions that may haunt them for years as they try dig out of a deep financial hole or give up custody or parenting time they cannot later change.  They may find they are entitled to much more than they are aware of if they overlook nonmarital assets or other spousal maintenance issues. A good family law attorney will protect you from making a poor decision without careful thought and evaluation.

The family law rules and rules of civil procedure are very complex and you will be expected to follow them. If you miss deadlines you may lose or waive important rights to make submissions or argue issues.

Do not assume you can easily represent yourself in a divorce and navigate drafting a divorce decree that properly protects you. Retaining an experienced divorce attorney is a wise and prudent investment to make sure all issues are fully evaluated and addressed and your rights are protected.  I have been a lawyer for over 33 years and practice exclusively in family law, custody, divorce and mediation. I will make sure your rights are protected.

Moving On After A Marriage Ends

Clinical Psychologist, Kristin Davis, has recently published a thoughtful article in the Huffington Divorce section on February 1, 2016 suggesting 5 ways to move on after a relationship ends, which is sound advice to consider after a divorce. I concur and believe the tips can help an individual transition and overcome the emotional and psychological pain that divorce often brings. These are the recommendations:

1. TAKE STOCK. As painful as it might be it is helpful to think through your take and what you learned from that relationship. Would you do things differently the next time? What struggles on both sides may have contributed to the marriage ending? Many people just want to run away and hide or escape another way through other means such as alcohol, dating, or other destructive behavior and this will only lead to more problems and potential heartaches.  Instead analyze , where do I see myself? What have I learned? What , if anything would you do differently in the next relationship? How is it best for you to move on? Some may realize there are positive things and aspects of the break-up such as freedom, optimism, empowerment and relief. Remember this is an opportunity for a fresh start and to recreate yourself and pursue dreams or things that may never have been realistic or available when married.

2. PURGE SOCIAL MEDIA. Make sure you remove your former spouse off your social media. Delete and remove picture, emails, and texts. Do not follow him or her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. If you fail to do so you will be confronted with continuing painful reminders and will lead to you being stuck in the past and not focusing on the future.

3. INDULGE AND EXPAND HORIZONS. Reconnect with family and old friends. Expand your knowledge, take a class and read some interesting books or take up a new hobby. Exercise can often help with overcoming emotional pain. Be open to things, experiences or old hobbies. Explore things you have never done.

4. DO NOT RUSH INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP. Many professionals believe rushing into dating is not the best way to move past your last relationship. It is often wise and better to give yourself some time and space before you rush back into another relationship. Give yourself time to spend on yourself to step back, evaluate and provide an opportunity for clarity and introspection. People often fail to analyze the mistakes of the past and end up repeating things that lead to future failed relationships. Look for patterns that can help prevent future relationships mistakes.

5. ACCEPT CHANGE AND UPHEAVAL. It often is not easy to get over a divorce or the end of a relationship, but do not dwell on the past every minute of the day. Over time you will heal and the ride will become less bumpy. Your new freedom can lead to many new adventures and you have an opportunity for a new beginning. Never give up. There will be future opportunities for love and fulfillment.

I am not a mental health expert or psychologist but as a divorce lawyer with several decades of experience and after representing a few individuals in multiple divorces and experiencing and witnessing the struggles some clients have I believe these recommendations are extremely helpful to prepare for your exciting future.